well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
