i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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