i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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