I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
