....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
