He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm always down for nudity.
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