My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
