It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
