If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
