I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
