I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you inspire me to be a worse person
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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