i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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