she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
