i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
