Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
