the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
