I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
