is your mom at the bar?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
