Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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