I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
