Are we in a gay sports bar?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
