i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
