thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
