I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
