nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
