I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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