their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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