I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
