I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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