i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
