id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
