just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
