My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
