Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
