if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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