i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
