my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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