I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
