you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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