I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
