$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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