I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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