We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
