Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
