oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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