You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
