i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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