She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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