Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
