I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize