omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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