I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
one two three fourrrrnication!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
