I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
