I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
