Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
