Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
