Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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