if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
