Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
