She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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