Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
