Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
